I think it was before I started posting story concepts on tumblr but I had an old concept called ‘apocalyptia’ which was a dark comedy about a world where every apocalypse movie premise happened simultaneously
The big joke was that all these HUGE disasters cancelled each other out. A bunch of shit flooding kept the zombies contained. The super intelligent apes stopped global warming. The leather-clad motorcycle murder gangs intimidate the alien invaders.
Everything sucks in like 8 overlapping ways but it’s just become the norm at this point. There’s a guy named Cannibal Jack that people trust to cook for them for some reason.
The main character is a recluse with a shotgun who just wants to sit in her shack and give cynical advice to passing young people, but unfortunately, her younger brother and only surviving family member is a conman with his fingers in every stupid decision being made within a ten mile radius
The brother’s name is Sal, which is short for SOMETHING but he changes his answer every time. He seems to think this qualifies as an alias, and bizarrely, it usually works. Notable ‘definitely Sal’s real name’ options include Salt, Salmon, Salamander, and Salad.
His sister’s name is Marian, occasionally called Misery Marian. It is a running joke that young characters think this is a reference to her bad attitude, but anyone who actually CALLS her that is clearly terrified of her for some unspecified reason.
Sal’s got an on-again off-again business partner by the name of Kent Bardsley, who is just…. SO irresponsibly horny. Sal’s motivation is money, but Kent’s is sex. He keeps getting run out of town for sleeping with important people’s wives. He’s an idiot, but he’s not a conman like Sal, he just helps him with his schemes as an in to towns so he can visit his assortment of fuckbuddies.
The joke of Kent’s character is that the ‘apocalypse’ he’s part of is conservative scaremongering about sexual freedom destroying society. He gets a last name because while Sal calls him Kenny, Marian calls him ‘Bardsley’ with deep contempt.
The fuck types of our characters so far:
Marian: fuck off
Sal: fuck you, pay me
Kent: fuck me
Cannibal Jack: what the fuck
There’s an alien named Glipix who is investigating why the invasion failed and her analysis tends to boil down to ‘damn bitch you really live like this?’
Kent is really into her but his flirting goes right over her head. Marian’s the only one she respects anyways.
Kent: Hey, you looking to get those eggs fertilized, beautiful?
Glipix: What pollinators are operating on this horrible planet? Did you see one? I need to speak with them if you did.
Kent: uh
I have a mental image for a TV opening where it’s Marian at like. 12. watching some apocalypse happen through a window and saying “The world ended when I was a girl…” in a really serious tone, and then it pans out to show like 6 other apocalypses happening and her voice turns sarcastic and she says “about thirty fucking times, actually.”
Alright here’s more content for you guys:
—Marian is 46 and spent her 20s and early 30s as a mad max style motorcycle gang member. ‘Misery Marian’ was her moniker while she was LEADING one of these gangs.
—Sal and Kent are somehow unaware of this.
—Sal’s apocalypse is capitalism. Also Godzilla.
—I’m not kidding about that, Sal and Marian’s parents were killed by a giant dinosaur that still sometimes shows up to bother Sal.
My favorite thing about this is that everyone is a part of their own apocalypse instead of every apocalypse effecting everyone like a birthday.
The Utah Monolith “disappearing” strikes me as “the state park service took it down so it wouldn’t become a pilgramage site for people with absolutely no hiking experience or regard for the local ecosystem to pass out in a ravine trying to reach 37 times a week”
Hell yes I was (mostly) right.
It wasn’t the park service themselves but these guys are absolute heroes tbh. No piece of plywood trash is worth hundreds of idiots trampling through a delicate desert environment.
I love the idea of a national park based vigilante though.
I’m currently in an Ocean and Society course. Our first assignment was to do a video response answering what our favorite thing about the ocean is and it is now this post.
Obtaining an Abortion in a State That Has Banned It
Rule Number 1: take an at home pregnancy test, pay for it in CASH at the store
Rule Number 2: tell NO ONE. Not over text, phone, social media, or even in person. No trails.
Rule Number 3: Obtaining an abortion.
Option 1: There are online options to obtain an at home abortion if applicable through AIDACCESS.ORG and WOMENONWEB.ORG. Of course, do ensure that there is no trail and all evidence is destroyed just to be safe.
Option 2: take a vacation to another state. Plan to visit family, go camping, to a conference, to a museum or national park, etc. DONT EVER tell anyone anything else.
Rule Number 4: When obtaining the abortion at a doctors DO NOT sign any waivers. You will be safe if you don’t sign any waivers giving consent for even providers to communicate to other providers. Also, use cash as much as possible throughout the trip and for medical expenses.
Rule Number 5: HIPAA ensures that your information is federally protected. If the one and only person who knows you had an abortion leaks it, THEY will go to prison. Why? Because they violated HIPAA.
sharin for my american friends
Important but also note that most of these extreme abortion bills have not come into effect and won’t for a year or more. Remain informed. Just because a bill has passed doesnt mean abortions have been banned immediately. Check with your local providers. Many are trying to be as vocal as possible to let people know they are still open and providing care.
